


I Don't Wanna Die (Anymore)

by Amakatsu



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 21:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amakatsu/pseuds/Amakatsu
Summary: Faith wanted to die. She wanted Buffy to kill her. Not anymore not since meeting Dawn. Implied Faith/DawnA look at how faith felt and the rage inside her mentioned through out the show.
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Dawn Summers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	I Don't Wanna Die (Anymore)

It started with a question. A horrid question.

"Faith...why did you want to die?" 

The brunette stared at her. The words passed over her mind and all she could do was relive it. The knife. The fall. The truck ride. She really thought she'd die that time--hoped. Hoped that the pain of her rage clambering in her chest would stop.

'I had no idea you had so much rage inside you'

"Buffy told me..." Dawn shifted looking away for a moment before her eyes hardened and turned back. "about it. The fights and... everything."

She thought about it. Dying. She thought about plunging her knife into her chest but she couldn't do it. She tried over and over. The blade hovering over her but her arms stopping short shaking from an invisible force. She couldn't take her own life. But why? Some need to stay alive? A drive within all slayers to stop them from offing themselves? Shear stubbornness?

" 

"Because...no one wanted me." She said without thinking and large blue eyes stared at her watery and concerned like a kitten curious and cautious. It made her smile.

Her parents didn't want her. Her boyfriends the ones that said they'd stay if only for her body they left in time. Used her up and left her there dry and stolen of warmth. Then even as a chosen one she wasn't needed. Funny how it works out that way. Turns out Buffy is the only thing the world needs. But that was ok. Cause Faith could let her have the trouble. But she always seemed so damn righteous. It infuriated her. That hand constantly outstretched no matter how many times she ruined her life, attacked her, stole her friends away and killed. Buffy looked at her with steel and anger but with empathy and always that damn hand out to help every time she crawled back. And it worked. For a while. In a twisted sense of love. 

Faith wanted Buffy to like her.

Faith wanted Buffy to be like her.

Faith wanted Buffy. 

But more than anything she never Faith didn’t to be herself. 

More than anything she'd wish she could die. Then she'd at least haunt Buffy for the rest of the slayer's life. Even if it's just a little. 

But then Dawn. 

Warm, naïve, cruel yet kind Dawn. A kid really. Stubborn and prone to tantrums. She stuck to Faith like glue and it didn't bother her. Not much. She made sure to keep her from any real trouble. Buffy would kill her otherwise. But then Dawn, innocent, naive, cruel yet kind had kissed her. A light press on the corner of her mouth. Chaste and loving. Shy. And it made Faith's heart beat again. A feeling she'd forgotten. She'd tried not to. She did. Bit Dawn who only had eyes for her. Who didn't mind her mistakes. Her anger. Her past. 

She found it so easy to fall into her rhythm and bathe in her light. To be home. 

"Not anymore." Faith smiled, taking her into her arms and bringing her closer. " Not when I have you " 


End file.
